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Itwasincredible,absolutelyincredible,foramoment,thatitwasreallymynamethatwascouledwiththisdisgracefulsusicion.ThreelongyearshadassedovermyheadsinceIhadtastedale,beer,wineorliquororanykind.
[ItshowswhateffectthetimeswerehavingonmewhenIsaythatIsawmyself,confidentlydubbed
"Mr.DeliriumTremensTwain
"inthenextissueofthatjournalwithoutaang-notwithstandingIknewthatwithmonotonousfidelitytheaerwouldgooncallingmesototheveryend.]
Bythistimeanonymouslettersweregettingtobeanimortantartofmymailmatter.Thisformwascommon:
Howaboutthatoldwomanyoukikedofyourremiseswhichwasbeging?
POL.PRY.
Andthis:
ThereisthingswhichyouHavedonewhichisunbeknowenstoanybodybutme.Youbettertrotoutafewdots,toyourstruly,oryou&aos;llhearthroughtheaersfromHANDYANDY.
Thisisabouttheidea.Icouldcontinuethemtillthereaderwassurfeited,ifdesirable.
ShortlytherincialReublicanjournal
"convicted
"meofwholesalebribery,andtheleadingDemocraticaer
"nailed
"anaggravatedcaseofblackmailingtome.
[InthiswayIacquiredtwoadditionalnames:
"TwaintheFilthyCorrutionist
"and
"TwaintheLoathsomeEmbracer
".]
Bythistimetherehadgrowntobesuchaclamorforan
"answer
"toallthedreadfulchargesthatwerelaidtomethattheeditorsandleadersofmyartysaiditwouldbeoliticalruinformetoremainsilentanylonger.Asiftomaketheiraealthemoreimerative,thefollowingaearedinoneoftheaerstheverynextday:
BEHOLDTHEMAN!-Theindeendentcandidatestillmaintainssilence.Becausehedarenotseak.Everyaccusationagainsthimhasbeenamlyroved,andtheyhavebeenindorsedandreindorsedbyhisowneloquentsilence,tillatthisdayhestandsforeverconvicted.Lookuonyourcandidate,Indeendents!LookuontheInfamousPerjurer!theMontanaThief!TheBody-Snatcher!ContemlateyourincarnateDeliriumTremens!YourFilthyCorrutionist!YourLoathsomeEmbracer!Gazeuonhim-onderhimwell-andthensayifyoucangiveyourhonestvotestoacreaturewhohasearnedthisdismalarrayoftitlesbyhishideouscrimes,anddaresnotoenhismouthindenialofanyoneofthem!
Therewasnoossiblewayofgettingoutofit,andso,indeehumiliation,Isetaboutrearingto
"answer
"amassofbaselesschargesandmeanandwickedfalsehoods.ButIneverfinishedthetask,fortheverynextmorningaaercameoutwithanewhorror,afreshmalignity,andseriouslychargedmewithburningalunaticasylumwithallitsinmates,becauseitobstructedtheviewfrommyhouse.Thisthrewmeintoasortofanic.Thencamethechargeofoisoningmyuncletogethisroerty,withanimerativedemandthatthegraveshouldbeoened.Thisdrovemetothevergeofdistraction.OntoofthisIwasaccusedofemloyingtoothlessandincometentoldrelativestorearethefoodforthefoundling&aos;shositalwhenIwarden.Iwaswavering-wavering.Andatlast,asadueandfittingclimaxtotheshamelessersecutionthatartyrancorhadinflicteduonme,ninelittletoddlingchildren,ofallshadesofcoloranddegreesofraggedness,weretaughttorushontothelatformataublicmeeting,andclasmearoundthelegsandcallmePA!
Igaveitu.Ihauleddownmycolorsandsurrendered.IwasnotequaltotherequirementsofaGubernatorialcamaigninthestateofNewYork,andsoIsentinmywithdrawalfromthecandidacy,andinbitternessofsiritsignedit:
"Trulyyours,onceadecentman,butnowMARKTWAIN,LP.,M.T.,B.S.,D.T.,F.C.,andL.E.
"