第13章 The￡1，000，000 Bank-Note (第1/7页)

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kTwain

WhenIwastwenty-sevenyearsold,Iwasamining-broker&aos;sclerkinSanFrancisco,andanexertinallthedetailsofstocktraffic.Iwasaloneintheworld,andhadnothingtodeenduonbutmywitsandacleanreutation;buttheseweresettingmyfeetintheroadtoeventualfortune,andIwascontentwiththerosect.

Mytimewasmyownaftertheafternoonboard,Saturdays,andIwasaccustomedtoutitinonalittlesail-boatonthebay.OnedayIventuredtoofar,andwascarriedouttosea.Justatnightfall,whenhoewasaboutgone,IwasickedubyasmallbrigwhichwasboundforLondon.Itwasalongandstormyvoyage,andtheymademeworkmyassagewithoutay,asacommonsailor.WhenIsteedashoreinLondonmyclotheswereraggedandshabby,andIhadonlyadollarinmyocket.Thismoneyfedandshelteredmetwenty-fourhours.Duringthenexttwenty-fourIwentwithoutfoodandshelter.

Aboutteno&aos;clockonthefollowingmorning,seedyandhungry,IwasdraggingmyselfalongPortlandPlace,whenachildthatwasassing,towedbyanurse-maid,tossedalusciousbigear-minusonebite-intothegutter.Istoed,ofcourse,andfastenedmydesiringeyeonthatmuddytreasure.Mymouthwateredforit,mystomachcravedit,mywholebeingbeggedforit.ButeverytimeImadeamovetogetitsomeassingeyedetectedmyurose,andofcourseIstraighteneduthen,andlookedindifferent,andretendedthatIhadn&aos;tbeenthinkingabouttheearatall.Thissamethingkethaeningandhaening,andIcouldn&aos;tgettheear.Iwasjustgettingdeserateenoughtobravealltheshame,andtoseizeit,whenawindowbehindmewasraised,andagentlemansokeoutofit,saying:

"Steinhere,lease.

"

Iwasadmittedbyagorgeousflunkey,andshownintoasumtuousroomwhereacouleofelderlygentlemenweresitting.Theysentawaytheservant,andmademesitdown.Theyhadjustfinishedtheirbreakfast,andthesightoftheremainsofitalmostoveroweredme.Icouldhardlykeemywitstogetherintheresenceofthatfood,butasIwasnotaskedtosamleit,IhadtobearmytroubleasbestIcould.

Now,somethinghadbeenhaeningtherealittlebefore,whichIdidnotknowanythingaboutuntilagoodmanydaysafterwards,butIwilltellyouaboutitnow.Thosetwooldbrothershadbeenhavingarettyhotargumentacouleofdaysbefore,andhadendedbyagreeingtodecideitbyabet,whichistheEnglishwayofsettlingeverything.

YouwillrememberthattheBankofEnglandonceissuedtwonotesofamillionoundseach,tobeusedforasecialuroseconnectedwithsomeublictransactionwithaforeigncountry.Forsomereasonorotheronlyoneofthesehadbeenusedandcanceled;theotherstilllayinthevaultsoftheBank.Well,thebrothers,chattingalong,haenedtogettowonderingwhatmightbethefateofaerfectlyhonestandintelligentstrangerwhoshouldbeturnedadriftinLondonwithoutafriend,andwithnomoneybutthatmillion-oundbank-note,andnowaytoaccountforhisbeinginossessionofit.BrotherAsaidhewouldstarvetodeath;BrotherBsaidhewouldn&aos;t.BrotherAsaidhecouldn&aos;tofferitatabankoranywhereelse,becausehewouldbearrestedonthesot.SotheywentondisutingtillBrotherBsaidhewouldbettwentythousandoundsthatthemanwouldlivethirtydays,anyway,onthatmillion,andkeeoutofjail,too.BrotherAtookhimu.BrotherBwentdowntotheBankandboughtthatnote.JustlikeanEnglishman,yousee;lucktothebackbone.Thenhedictatedaletter,whichoneofhisclerkswroteoutinabeautifulroundhand,andthenthetwobrotherssatatthewindowawholedaywatchingfortherightmantogiveitto.

Theysawmanyhonestfacesgobythatwerenotintelligentenough;manythatwereintelligent,butnothonestenough;manythatwereboth,buttheossessorswerenotoorenough,or,ifoorenough,werenotstrangers.Therewasalwaysadefect,untilIcamealong;buttheyagreedthatIfilledthebillallaround;sotheyelectedmeunanimously,andthereIwasnowwaitingtoknowwhyIwascalledin.Theybegantoaskmequestionsaboutmyself,andrettysoontheyhadmystory.FinallytheytoldmeIwouldanswertheirurose.IsaidIwassincerelyglad,andaskedwhatitwas.Thenoneofthemhandedmeanenveloe,andsaidIwouldfindtheexlanationinside.Iwasgoingtooenit,buthesaidno;takeittomylodgings,andlookitovercarefully,andnotbehastyorrash.Iwasuzzled,andwantedtodiscussthematteralittlefurther,buttheydidn&aos;t;soItookmyleave,feelinghurtandinsultedtobemadethebuttofwhatwasaarentlysomekindofaracticaljoke,andyetobligedtoutuwithit,notbeingincircumstancestoresentaffrontsfromrichandstrongfolk.

Iwouldhaveickedutheearnowandeatenitbeforealltheworld,butitwasgone;soIhadlostthatbythisunluckybusiness,andthethoughtofitdidnotsoftenmyfeelingtowardsthosemen.AssoonasIwasoutofsightofthathouseIoenedmyenveloe,andsawthatitcontainedmoney!Myoinionofthoseeolechanged,Icantellyou!Ilostnotamoment,butshovednoteandmoneyintomyvestocket,andbrokeforthenearesteatinghouse.Well,howIdideat!WhenatlastIcouldn&aos;tholdanymore,Itookoutmymoneyandunfoldedit,tookoneglimseandnearlyfainted.Fivemillionsofdollars!Why,itmademyheadswim.

ImusthavesattherestunnedandblinkingatthenoteasmuchasaminutebeforeIcamerightlytomyselfagain.ThefirstthingInoticed,then,wasthelandlord.Hiseyewasonthenote,andhewasetrified.Hewasworshiing,withallhisbodyandsoul,buthelookedasifhecouldn&aos;tstirhandorfoot.Itookmycueinamoment,anddidtheonlyrationalthingtherewastodo.Ireachedthenotetowardshim,andsaid,carelessly:

"Givemethechange,lease.

"

Thenhewasrestoredtohisnormalcondition,andmadeathousandaologiesfornotbeingabletobreakthebill,andIcouldn&aos;tgethimtotouchit.Hewantedtolookatit,andkeeonlookingatit;hecouldn&aos;tseemtogetenoughofittoquenchthethirstofhiseye,butheshrankfromtouchingitasifithadbeensomethingtoosacredforoorcommonclaytohandle.Isaid:

"Iamsorryifitisaninconvenience,butImustinsist.Pleasechangeit;Ihaven&aos;tanythingelse.

"Buthesaidthatwasn&aos;tanymatter;hewasquitewillingtoletthetriflestandovertillanothertime.IsaidImightnotbeinhisneighborhoodagainforagoodwhile;buthesaiditwasofnoconsequence,hecouldwait,and,moreover,IcouldhaveanythingIwanted,anytimeIchose,andlettheaccountrunaslongasIleased.Hesaidhehoedhewasn&aos;tafraidtotrustasrichagentlemanasIwas,merelybecauseIwasofamerrydisosition,andchosetolaylarksontheublicinthematterofdress.Bythistimeanothercustomerwasentering,andthelandlordhintedtometoutthemonsteroutofsight;thenhebowedmeallthewaytothedoor,andIstartedstraightforthathouseandthosebrothers,tocorrectthemistakewhichhadbeenmadebeforetheoliceshouldhuntmeu,andhelmedoit.Iwasrettynervous;infact,rettybadlyfrightened,though,ofcourse,Iwasnowayinfault;butIknewmenwellenoughtoknowthatwhentheyfindthey&aos;vegivenatramamillion-oundbillwhentheythoughtitwasaone-ounder,theyareinafranticrageagainsthiminsteadofquarrelingwiththeirownnear-sightedness,astheyought.AsIaroachedthehousemyexcitementbegantoabate,forallwasquietthere,whichmademefeelrettysuretheblunderwasnotdiscoveredyet.Irang.Thesameservantaeared.Iaskedforthosegentlemen.

"Theyaregone.

"Thisinthelofty,coldwayofthatfellow&aos;stribe.

"Gone?Gonewhere?

"

"Onajourney.

"

"Butwhereabouts?

"

"TotheContinent,Ithink.

"

"TheContinent?

"

"Yes,sir.

"

"Whichway-bywhatroute?

"

"Ican&aos;tsay,sir.

"

"Whenwilltheybeback?

"

"Inamonth,theysaid.

"

"Amonth!Oh,thisisawful!Givemesomesortofideaofhowtogetawordtothem.It&aos;softhelastimortance.

"

"Ican&aos;t,indeed.I&aos;venoideawherethey&aos;vegone,sir.

"

"ThenImustseesomememberofthefamily.

"

"Family&aos;saway,too;beenabroadmonths-inEgytandIndia,Ithink.

"

"Man,there&aos;sbeenanimmensemistakemade.They&aos;llbebackbeforenight.WillyoutellthemI&aos;vebeenhere,andthatIwillkeecomingtillit&aos;sallmaderight,andtheyneedn&aos;tbeafraid?